Darker than Black
by Un Petit Diable
Summary: One died a broken man, the other an unsung hero. A series of interconnected moments from the lives of Sirius and Regulus Black. Ch 6: While James envied Sirius' ability to remain surprisingly coherent even when drunk, he was getting seriously concerned. Despite his random philosophical moments, Sirius was not a spiritual man. A/N: chapters have been rearranged.
1. Fall 2019 (Sept 1, 1971)

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**A/N: This story will contain glimpses of moments in the lives of the Black brothers, alternating between Sirius and Regulus. It won't necessarily be in chronological order and will be told through the brothers' or other characters perspectives (including James, Lily, Severus and Narcissa), and through Sirius' journal (found by a certain future gen kid) and possibly letters. Chapter titles indicate the time period. J****ames II scenes and Sirius' journal entries will always appear in chronological order. I hope you all enjoy~**

**BETA credit: ****a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum**

* * *

Fall, 2019

James Sirius Potter was, by all means, your typical fourteen-year-old teenager. Being the eldest son of Harry James Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived, really wasn't going to change that. Though, at times, it was rather frustrating to be a Potter. Both his parents were famous, even beyond being war heroes. His dad was the national treasure; they studied him History of frigging Magic -not to mention his numerous well-known relatives. His dad was also the Head of the Aurors and his mum used to be a renowned Quidditch player who was still popular. It was a lot to live up to. Nonetheless, James thought he was doing rather well, thanks. He was well-liked by both his peers and professors alike (not to mention the ladies), and was the star chaser of the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

On a typical Saturday night, James would normally be up to mischief with his cousin Fred Weasley -at times joined by their younger cousin, Rose Weasley, if she wasn't up to her own mischief. Tonight though, he excused himself feigning illness, and with the aid of the Marauder's Map, he snuck into the the Room of Requirements without being seen. James had a personal task to complete. A solo mission he was just not ready to share.

Tonight James was determined to discover the contents in S.O.B.'s journal. After all, if he was deducing correctly, the initials belonged to his father's godfather, a person he'd been named after, Sirius Orion Black. He did question his logic in fiddling with a mysterious journal, but his dad had given him and his siblings each a pendant which glowed a harsh red in warning when in the presence of dark or dangerous objects. The pendant only glowed a slight gold around the journal, indicating it was charmed, but with nothing harmful.

His dad had never liked talking about the war. Instead he preferring to tell preferred telling them more fun stories of adventures he and his friends, especially Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione, had shared. Whatever little he did tell them, James could tell they were always watered-down. He and his siblings never prodded though. They pretended they weren't aware of his late night trips to the kitchen, haunted by old nightmares; their mum sitting by his side offering silent comfort.

The young Potter shook his head, trying to get his mind back on the task at hand. Sitting comfortably in an armchair in the small and cozy room provided, James opened the journal. After researching independently and prodding his Aunt Hermione, who was thrilled to see him studying advanced topics, he had finally managed to open the bloody journal, which was clearly warded by a paranoid hermit.

He opened the black journal, small gold inscription on the bottom stated 'The Property of S.O.B'. The first page read:

_Property of Sirius Orion Black (Oct 17, 1959)_

_(Unfortunately) Son of Orion Black, a paranoid social hermit_

_and Walburga Black, a blood supremacist nutcase (SOB indeed)_

James grinned, he had been right. Flipping through the rest of the book, he frowned, finding it blank. However, James wasn't a quitter. If Sirius never meant for the journal to be found, he would have simply destroyed it instead of hiding it (with strong invisibility and notice-me-not charms) behind the fireplace mantle in the Gryffindor common room. It had been hidden really well, though, James happened upon on it by chance.

He looked at his dad's map and then at the blank pages, an idea forming in his mind. He took his wand and pointed it at the journal. "I solemnly swear I'm up to no good..."

Nothing but a trail of paw prints began to appear on the page, walking like the footprints on the Map. _Son of a bitch..._ James groaned in frustration. After several minutes of staring at the book, he noticed the paw prints appeared in distinct numeral patterns. A certain number of paw prints would appear before fading away, then reappear again until it cycled through a set of numbers before repeating the same pattern.

James blinked. He'd just had an epiphany. The paw prints had stopped appearing. Just to be sure, he pointed his wand at the book and once again said the Marauder's secret phrase. The same cycle repeated. He noted down the numbers. He once again pointed his wand at the book, this time saying, "8...1...3...6...1."

He grinned in success as writing started appearing on the pages. His brown eyes absorbed the content with excitement.

_Sept 1, 1971_

_Merlin's beard, Reg, you give me a diary for my going away present? Well, I should be clear upfront, this is NOT a diary, but a journal recording all the vital points of my life. After all, I am Sirius Orion Black and I am pretty damn amazing. Some day some soul will want to an interview about my many accomplishments in life, and I'll just hand them this book._

_So, future readers, be prepared._

_Now, moving on. This is my first night at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I figured it would be the first day of the rest of my life. After all, Hogwarts is a pivotal moment in the life of a young wizard (well in Great Britain anyway)._

_It's bloody wonderful, Regulus, I can't even believe it. You wouldn't think it'd feel so...so magical considering we grew up surrounded by magic. But it was! It just felt like a new beginning._

_Why am I writing this like a letter... let it be made clear that you're never going to read this. Though you are clever...and you'll probably break whatever protection I place...well let it be a warning that you're not going beyond the first page. Though you do respect privacy a lot more than I... what am I even worrying about?_

_Anyway, on the train I was merrily looking for an empty compartment, when I passed one with a vulnerable, sleeping student. You know me, there was no way I was not taking advantage of that. I spelled his messy hair into tiny knots, placed bright pink hearts on his eyelids, and gave him a Fu Manchu mustache down to his waist. There are certain advantages to father's crazy wards. It allowed me to learn a variety of spells before attending Hogwarts. Wait until you get your wand, Reg! It's a feeling of instant connection. After a little while you feel empty without it._

_So anyway, that was James Potter. He took the prank surprisingly well. We had a good laugh about it. I think we're going to be rather good friends._

_I don't know why I'm not just writing a letter to you. I should just do that. Though you know I don't like writing letters... why am I writing in this? I guess I'm just not sure how to tell the family that I've been sorted into Gryffindor..._

The writing began fading as the first entry ended. A thoughtful expression graced James' face. Clearly, somewhere down the line Sirius had changed his mind about sharing his life story with the world. When James cast a diagnosis charm on the journal to see what sort of charms and wards he'd have to deal with, one of them had been a ward preventing the journal from being opened during the writer's lifetime. It was one James hadn't had to worry about breaking.

The fourth year Gryffindor tried the pass code again. A small phrase appeared: _Good things come to those who wait._ It was followed by an animated doodle of a large, black dog wagging its tail ludicrously. James mentally groaned at the time limit, but was grinning widely anyway.

He was the clear winner as far as birthday gifts for their dad goes this year. There was no way Al and Lily were going to top Sirius Black's diary. James gathered his stuff, and opened up the Map to head back to the Common Room.

On his way a thought popped into his mind. Running a hand through his already messy hair, he wondered, _Who the bloody hell was Regulus?_

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


	2. Summer 1978

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**BETA credit: ****a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum**

* * *

Summer, 1978

Under the cover of an invisibility potion, Regulus Black automatically lifted both the anti-apparation and disapparation charms, allowing the Death Eaters to disappear into the night. Once they were all gone, he removed the strong privacy ward placed around himself. He didn't follow after the others, rendered immobile by the aftermath of the attack. This had been his first raid.

A small Muggle community… just going about their everyday business…then they weren't.

_Breathe, fool, breathe,_ Regulus berated himself. _Inhale…exhale…inhale…exhale…_ He automatically fell into his calming technique; a childhood habit that he had become dependent upon.

_The screams…the fires… the blood… the terror on people's faces… children crying… BREATHE!_ He gasped for air.

Like many wizards, Regulus didn't believe in God or any form of higher being, but when the bell rang as the small community church fell, he'd felt as if God abandoned everyone to this Hell on Earth.

He wanted to puke at the sight. The putrid stench of death and decay was everywhere.

_Idiot, how do you expect to get more involved if you're squeamish about a puny, little raid?_ Regulus had never before participated in overt Death Eater activities. _This wasn't what I signed up for. _His involvement was more research based. His sleuth skills made him valuable in collecting information about prominent families. _Naive, idealistic fool._ He was getting used to his inner voice's commentaries. _Did you think wars happened without bloodshed?_

The Dark Lord, however, noticed Regulus' talent in Runes and Wards, and hence decided to test his skills by sending him on his first raid.

He knew he should move. It'd be suspicious to not report back. Staying meant risking getting caught. Overstaying meant the Dark Lord's wrath. He felt ashamed. A Black shouldn't be bowing down to anyone. A Black shouldn't cower to anyone. He should be above that. However, he was scared; frightened like a newborn pup. He wasn't ready to die. He wasn't foolish enough to go against the Dark Lord. Still, he didn't return. As a Black he had more leniency, especially since his cousin and cousin-in-laws were some of the Dark Lord's strongest followers.

Plus, considering this was small-scale attack planned last-minute in a secluded area, chances were no one, like the Aurors, would hear anything for a good couple of hours at least, he reasoned. There was no one left alive to tell.

He heard a small rumble, and immediately lifted his wand. _Ready for your 'official' first kill? _His inner voice sneered. _Inhale… exhale…inhale… exhale…_

A black cat crawled out from underneath a pile of debris. Regulus lowered his wand, his heart rate slowly returning to normal. The cat mewed, injured, yet limping around as if looking for her owner; a small bell on her collar tinkling with every move.

Regulus released a harsh laugh, sounding like a cry, feeling the bile rising up in his throat. Please, no. He followed the cat, trying to ignore the bodies everywhere. She eventually stopped at a figure lying on the side of the road; a young woman. She was nudging her owner with her nose, mewing, before cuddling into her. _Into her corpse,_ Regulus thought. He noticed the wand clasped tightly by her cold, dead fingers. He could see strands of blond hair underneath the dark blue hood. There appeared to be no blood or injuries. The symptoms all pointed to the Killing Curse. _Avada Kedavra. _The unmerciful laughter of the Death Eaters echoed in his mind. _Your loving peers_, his inner voice taunted.

He sat down next to the girl. The cat looked up and hissed, sensing his presence even though she could not see him. Regulus took off his white mask, setting it beside him. Then slowly with a trembling hand he brushed aside her hair to uncover her face. _I forgot you married a Muggle._ His vision blurred. Her cold, empty eyes judged him. _Don't... don't look at me like that... I didn't kill you._

_Inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale…_

This was the first time Regulus cried in years.

He had wanted to preserve tradition, to gain back wizarding rights, not partake in mass genocide. Not to kill his own people. He wasn't naïve enough to think the innocent wouldn't be caught in the crossfire, that Muggles weren't being terrorized. He had completely underestimated the extent though, the newspapers never covered the true horror of the damages.

He fumbled through his cloak, trying to find the right potion vial until he clumsily retrieved one with a stream of pale gold liquid. Tears streamed down his face as he released a harsh sound between crying and laughter. He hadn't even started his seventh year at Hogwarts yet and he already indirectly contributed to the deaths of dozens, perhaps hundreds, of people. He could no longer deny his contribution to the numbers. _Remember, fool, you're trying to survive! No time to take pity on others._ With shaky hands, he closed her haunting, green eyes. _I'm sorry... so sorry._

He opened the vial and took the potion. With a smile, he apparated out of the village; blocking the events from his mind.

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


	3. Oct, 1975

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**BETA credit: ****a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum**

* * *

October, 1975

James Potter whistled merrily as he walked down the halls to the Hogwarts library. October 17th, one of his favourite days of the year was in about a week's time. It meant prank day; more specifically pranking a certain mangy mutt, who he considered his best friend. It was a tradition between him and Sirius, one that started back in their first year. The birthday boy would be a free target and he was not allowed to retaliate on the prankster. Of course that meant that every birthday, the two were always attempting to one up one another. Remus and Peter opted out, choosing to help James and Sirius as needed on the respective other's birthday.

It was a Saturday morning; also the first Hogsmeade weekend of the year. Sirius was out on a date and Remus and Peter had volunteered to keep him distracted if, for some reason, it ended early. As an added bonus, most of the castle would be empty, giving James free reign in the library whilst putting together the finishing touches of his grand plan. He chuckled to himself. Evans would be so proud if she knew he was spending his free time at the library. Though of course, she never looked his way if she could help it and was more likely to punch him in the face for his reasons in being there. Then again, by now everyone knew of the tradition between the two friends.

The lone fifth year slipped into the library, which was empty as far as he could see. Even those staying behind chose to spend the day outside as the weather was surprisingly warm and pleasant. He made his way over to the Runes' section. Potions and spells were becoming too predictable and he couldn't continue to rely on those alone to trick Sirius. He wasn't the best at Runes, but he should be able to work with it, and Remus would probably be able to help him, even though that wasn't his best subject either.

He browsed the section trying to find the right book. He needed a subtle rune to place on the silver locket that Sirius, for some reason, never took off. He needed the rune to make his reflection disappear. There was no way he wasn't going to exploit that bastard's paranoia about the red liquid (Sirius believed it to vampire blood) that Peter accidentally splattered into his mouth when they were snooping around Knockturn Alley. James, with the help of his friends, had already figured out the Potions and Charms combination needed to increase Sirius's sensitivity to light, sharpen his hearing and give him a strong craving for Blood-flavoured Lollipops.

"Excuse me."

A million excuses flew into James' head, sure he'd just been caught by his best friend. He turned innocently to find the apathetic face of Regulus Black looking at him with disinterest. James released a sigh of relief, pushing his glasses back up (he still wasn't used to wearing these). He should have known better, Sirius didn't have that distinct drawl of a highborn, unless he was purposefully trying to be a dick. James swiftly moved out of the way, gracefully presenting the area to Regulus like a prince welcoming a princess.

Regulus rolled his eyes, clearly not amused, and grabbed a book that the Gryffindor had previously been blocking. James continued to watch as the younger Slytherin slipped down to the floor and made himself comfortable in the aisle, back leaning against a shelf.

The Gryffindor stared, mouth slightly agape in disbelief; his left eye even twitched a bit. The casual elegance with which he sat would put even Sirius to shame.

With a mental shrug, James returned to his task, ignoring the younger Slytherin. After five more minutes of staring at what felt like endless rows of books, he sighed. He had no idea what he was looking for. He should have planned this better.

"What are you aiming to do?"

The older Gryffindor turned in surprise. Regulus hadn't turned away from his book; his voice hinted no sense of curiosity. How the hell was that boy and Sirius related? Sure they looked alike, but their personalities were at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

"Something to humiliate my brother with, I assume?"

James snapped out of his thoughts to find the younger Black watching him from under hooded-eyes. He still didn't turn his head away from the book. How interesting could runes be, James thought.

"Yeah," James said, shrugging. "I figured I'd try something a little different this year, so he wouldn't expect it," he gestured towards the runes book, "but I guess I was in over my head."

"So?" Regulus closed his book, turning to him expectantly. "What was your idea?"

James blinked, confusion clear in his hazel eyes. Sirius and his brother weren't known to get along, so he found the younger teen's interest more than surprising. He smiled though; it was a step in the right direction. Sirius may never verbally admit it, but James knew he missed his younger brother. As an only child, James could not even a fathom the feeling of a rift between blood siblings.

"I wanted to make him think he's turning into a vampire," James said sheepishly. He felt uncomfortable under the fourth year's judging gaze. If it was any other student, James wouldn't have hesitated in taking them down a notch. Even his mother constantly reprimanded him that he had an ego large enough to float away his inflated head. But this was Padfoot's brother, and despite the teen's venomous refusal to acknowledge any member of his family, James was well aware that Regulus was the sole exception.

"What?" James demanded, trying to bite back his irritation.

Regulus sighed, shaking his head slightly. James scowled, finding his attitude rather patronizing. The other boy smoothly stood up with all the grace of an aristocrat. Merlin, James himself was a pureblood and he was well-aware that he walked with the bold confidence of a well-bred wizard, more often than not crossing the line of arrogance. However, even he didn't have Regulus' scrutinizing prince-like persona. No wonder Sirius had such a complicated relationship with his brother. The fifteen-year-old wasn't sure if he should be impressed or annoyed.

"I don't get you," the younger Black simply stated, "or my brother."

"What's not to get?" James responded with his trademark smirk. He had no idea what the other boy was on about.

Regulus did not look impressed. "Sirius," he started. "Sirius claims to disapprove of arrogant pureblood bigots, yet he ends up befriending you."

James was offended, but more so genuinely surprised. "And what is that supposed to mean?" he spoke, keeping the edge out of his voice.

"All offence intended," Regulus said as he ran his fingers along a row of books, "You're a conceited toerag."

James winced slightly. It was something Lily Evans, his crush, constantly called him. "Really? This coming from you?" he raised his eyebrows.

Regulus flicked out a book without removing his calculating grey eyes from James. "Here's a deal. Stop solely targeting Slytherins for your juvenile pranks, and I'll help you convince my dear brother that he's a vampire."

James swore his brows rose to his hairline. He brushed his hands through his already messy hair. "So why not just ask me to leave the Slytherins alone?"

Regulus scoffed. "Please," he drawled, "as if that would ever happen. It's not as if the Gryffindor-Slytherin rivalry will end with your little ragtag band of misfits."

James laughed. He extended a hand to the younger Black. "You got a deal," he smiled. Internally, he wondered why Regulus actually asked the favour. He didn't seem to be doing it simply for his Housemates' sake.

Regulus eyed his hands warily and then tentatively shook it.

The next hour went by pleasantly fast, James was surprised, to say the least. Regulus showed him how the combination of certain runes, along with charms (for a longer effect) on Sirius' locket could get rid of the wearer's reflection. It felt like he was betraying Sirius by admitting it (even if it was just in his head), but the brothers were more alike than he originally believed. It was little things like mannerisms and certain quirks. Hardly noticeable, but it was there. He was also surprised by Regulus' sense of humour. While Sirius' humour was boisterous and loud, it could be somewhat cruel and often intentional. Whereas Regulus' was dry and sarcastic and could be cruel without intention. If you spent a little time with the boy, you realized he just lacked tact and didn't place venom behind most of the things he said.

"Merlin Potter, I don't know how you're one of the top students of your year." Regulus rolled his eyes and started putting back all the books they were looking through. "No, wonder that Evans girl won't go out with you. You have the brain cells of a half-dead slug worm."

"Nice working with you too kid," James smirked and organized his notes. He could be dense sometimes, but now he not only had all the information to make his prank a success, but also had the information he needed to finish the two-way mirrors he and Sirius were working on.

He gathered his things from the floor and with a large smile stared at Regulus, who had returned to his original book. He wondered why the pureblood prince didn't just move to a table now. He'd figured they'd worked in the aisle because the boy didn't want to be caught with a Gryffindor. James couldn't blame him for that, he wouldn't have wanted to be caught with a Slytherin either. However, it seemed Regulus was just comfortable on the floor.

"What?" the boy glared at James, clearly disturbed by the older boy's Cheshire cat grin.

"I was wondering if you had something to ask me?" James continued to smile.

"Don't hold your breath, Potter, I'm not going to ask you out," Regulus retorted dryly.

"What? No second date?" James feigned mock hurt, placing a hand over his heart.

"Not when the first revealed your lack of intelligence." Regulus' eyes narrowed. "Seriously, what do you want?"

The Gryffindor smirked. "I'm not stupid, kid. I know there's more to it than just cutting the Slytherins some slack." Sirius did the same round-about methods when embarrassed. It was his odd way of thanking the Potters for letting him stay over every now and then.

James' eyes watched the lump in the pocket of the Slytherin's robe. Regulus had fiddled with the item several times during their impromptu meeting, or so James had originally thought. "You know you could just give it to him yourself," he smiled gently.

"Regulus' brows furrowed, deep in thought, but he ended up taking out a small black satchel with a silver ribbon bow out of his pocket. James was right. It was a birthday present for Sirius.

Regulus quickly got up and placed his book back on the shelf. He eyed the gift before briskly handing it over to James. "He won't accept anything from me. You know that just as well as I do." With long strides, the Slytherin smoothly walked out of the library before James could fully register what had happened.

Staring at the small packet in his hand, James Potter felt a small stir of guilt.

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


	4. Spring 1979, Summer 1995

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**BETA credit: a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum.**

* * *

Spring, 1979

_Why do I have a headache? Bloody hell, why does everything hurt?_ A small hand grabbed his and pulled. "My god, Padfoot, you can't pass out yet."

_Lily._

Sirius Black slowly opened his eyes. Everything was blurry. _Too_ bright. He shut his eyes quickly. "It's alright," he mumbled. "Prongs will take me home."

"No, no, no," Lily laughed as she pushed him off the sofa. He could tell the darling bride was a bit tipsy. "You're not stealing my husband tonight," she whispered leaning down to his level on the floor.

"Right," Sirius chuckled, forcing himself up. "You guys have to start making little baby Jamies. The first one's going to be after me, right? Sirius can work as a girl's name too... probably."

Lily punched his arm, but she was smiling brightly. The redhead looked stunning in her white Muggle-styled dress and she was glowing with happiness. It was still hard to believe his best mate had finally managed to win over the unattainable Lily Evans. Heck, if five years ago someone told him righteous Lily Evans would become one of his best friends, he'd have laughed himself to seven hells and back.

"Come on," Sirius grabbed her hands. "The beautiful bride deserves a dance with the most dashing wizard here." Lily laughed again as Sirius pulled her into a waltz.

"So, Padfoot, any plans on settling down with a special girl in the near future?" Lily asked teasingly.

"Oh please, Lilypad," Sirius smirked. "I can't afford to make the rest of the female population sad by just choosing one."

This was nice, Sirius thought as he twirled Lily around, the union of a happy couple surrounded by their close friends. The last couple of months have been full of turmoil, he last several years really but it had been easier to ignore the turmoils of an imminent while they were still in school. The rise of Voldemort brought the deaths of friends and classmates. While other school mates became his supporters, including his own brother... Even James' parents died, albeit from natural causes as they were getting on in years. Still a moment like tonight was like a glimpse of the sun amidst an endless storm. You had to treasure it.

"Mind if I cut in?" the grinning groom interrupted the dance. Even tidied up in a formal dress robe, James' hair was still messier than ever. Sirius had never seen his best friend happier though; the closest being when testing out a new broom for the first time.

"Well, if you insist, Prongs," the dog animagus sighed dramatically. "It's not like I was going to abandon you to turn boring now that you're married." He grabbed James' hands and pulled him into a dance, grinning at his comical expression. Lily began clapping with glee. Moony was shaking his head in amusement at their antics and Peter was howling with laughter.

"Congrats, mate," Sirius smiled sincerely. "You finally and officially got the girl."

"Don't go all sentimental on me, Padfoot," James cocked his head with a smirk as they continued their exaggerated waltz. "It doesn't become you."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And that's why I don't say nice things." He ended the dance by shoving James into Remus and Peter, who both shrugged, before pulling James into a strange three-way dance.

Sirius went over to Lily and put his arm around her shoulders. "Welcome to the family, Mrs. Potter."

Lily placed a hand on the arm around her shoulder. She looked up at him with a wide smile, "Why thank you, Messr. Padfoot."

* * *

"Padfoot." Someone was shoving him again. "Padfoot." The shaking was more insistent this time. Merlin, it was the morning after Lily and James wedding. He was allowed to sleep in with a hangover!

Ah, everything hurts. It felt like someone was hammering his brain.

"Padfoot!"

Sirius internally sighed and opened his eyes to see the blurry outline of Remus Lupin. "What, Moony? Prongs and Lilypad just got married. You can sleep in a little bloody longer!" Sirius pushed himself up. _Dammit, why was his bed so uncomfortable?_

"Oh, Padfoot," Remus smiled sadly. _Why was he so sad? They were celebrating a happy occasion._

_Oh, Merlin!_ "What's wrong?" He was up instantly, all pain forgotten. "Are James and Lily alright?"

"If Black is done simpering around like a beaten dog..." a voiced drawled.

Sirius knew that voice. He slammed the man against the nearest wall, holding him in place with an arm to the throat. "Why are you in my apartment, _Snivellus_?"

"I see you finally followed in your family's footsteps, Black." The greasy-haired slime ball's voiced came out clear and precise much to Sirius' chagrin. "Murderous and insane. Though you and your idiotic friends should have been sent to Azkaban a long time ago." Sirius was ready to strangle him but was quickly pulled away by Remus.

"Here are the bloody potions," Snape sneered glancing between the both of them. Sirius was too tired to resist his friend's hold. "Take this one as well for good measure. Clearly the mutt's too far gone, not that there was much up there in the first place."

"Thank you, Severus," Remus replied with steel, taking the three vials. Snape gave them one last condescending look before apparating downstairs.

Sirius began feeling more self-aware. His surroundings became more clear.

"Padfoot," Remus helped him sit back down on the floor. "Drink these."

Sirius ignored him._ No, no, no!_ He was in the hallway, sitting in front of his old bedroom door. His brother's room was across from his.

The lights…the dust…the noises... the Order members bustling around... Molly Weasley assigning her children chores...

_His mother's_ constant shrieking and screams of 'filthy half-breeds and mudbloods'.

"No," he rasped out, holding back a sob. He couldn't recognize his own voice.

"Padfoot, please," Remus insisted, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He pushed the hand away. "Leave me alone, Moony." He didn't want to see his old friend now. He didn't want to see anyone. He wanted James and Lily. He wanted to be dancing with them at their wedding. Happy and carefree.

"Sirius," Remus' voice was stern.

"GO AWAY, REMUS!"

He felt the house go silent for a second before resuming its chatters. Remus looked at him with sad eyes full of pity. He didn't need pity. "Think about Harry," his old friend whispered leaving the vials beside Sirius before heading downstairs.

Sirius closed his eyes. _Happy thoughts, Padfoot, think happy thoughts._ He was once again surrounded by laughter and music; bright lights shining as happy couples danced all around him. Lily and James stopped in front of him. James looked down at him with disgust. _"I never thought I'd be so disappointed in you, Sirius,"_ he said softly.

"No," Sirius gasped, choking on his words. "No, Prongs, I didn't mean it. Lily, I'm so sorry." The image of the couple looked at him with regret and pity before shifting away. Sirius saw the glimpse of a smaller figure with bright green eyes. _Harry..._

_Yes, Harry,_ Sirius thought picking up the vials. _Harry will be here soon. I need to be strong for Harry._

He opened the cork of the first one; his daily dose of the Calming Draught. The second was the Draught of Peace, which he avoided taking if he could. He examined the last vial with the golden liquid. He wasn't sure what that was but he wasn't drinking more of Snivellus' concoctions than necessary.

He hated being back in 12 Grimmauld Place.

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


	5. Sept 2, 1971

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**BETA credit: ****a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum**

* * *

Sept 2nd, 1971

It was a typical family dinner at the Ancient and Noble House of Black. There was nothing out of the ordinary as the family sat dining. Orion Black, once a rather good-looking man, but now pale and thin due to rarely venturing out of the house, sat at the head of the table. Looming behind him was the Black Family crest, over the dresser holding the family heirlooms. To his right sat his wife Walburga Black, an intimidating woman who never would have been considered beautiful, but rather handsome. Both had the trademark dark hair and aristocratic features common of the Blacks. They were quietly eating dinner, cutting into their steaks and taking small bites befitting of a noble bloodline. Their youngest son followed suit, one couldn't expect anything less than proper manner and etiquette from a family that was practically royalty.

However, the youngest Black was all too aware of the difference between this dinner and previous ones; even if his parents were content to pretend otherwise. He missed his brother. Dinner never felt so formal and distant when Sirius made inappropriate quips that their parents disapproved of. Typically it would be during nights with hefty discussions on the dilapidation of Wizarding Britain and politics in general. Those were the best times to ensure they weren't caught during their antics.

Regulus ate dejectedly. Dinner was definitely too quiet tonight.

"A letter has arrived, Great Master and Mistress." Kreacher walked in with his head lowered. Regulus recognized Aunt Druella's writing on the envelope as the house-elf passed the letter to his father, careful not to make physical contact.

His father glanced at the address without a word, and holding out his hand expectantly. Kreacher quickly handed him a letter opener. With one fluid motion, he swiped open the envelope with the bronze knife, took out the letter and read it. Other than his eyes darkening, he showed no other response as he silently passed the letter to his wife.

He tapped the glass with a long finger and Kreacher quickly filled it with wine.

Regulus' did his best to contain his rising curiosity.

"Gryffindor," his mother breathed; the chilly whisper sent a shiver down his spine. "And if that's not bad enough. He had to befriend the Potters' brat."

_Cissy must have written home_, the youngest Black thought. Maybe he was only a naive child of ten, but Regulus could not understand the reason behind his mother's reaction. Sure, it was his family's tradition to get sorted into Slytherin, but did it really matter if Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor. From what he had read about the Hogwarts Houses, Gryffindor seemed to suit his brother's personality a lot more than Slytherin, and why would befriending the Potters be so bad? They were an influential pureblood family that was highly respected.

Regulus knew better than to speak out of turn, but he found himself saying, "It's just a House." _Shut up, idiot._ His mother's eyes hardened. _Shut up. Shut up!_ "And the Potters are a renowned pureblood family…"

A powerful burst of magic blew Regulus back. The fall broke his chair and the backlash caused his plate and glass to shatter, leaving him covered in sharp shards and food.

His father stood up, wiped his mouth on a napkin and quietly walked away. His mother flicked her wand back into her arm holster and stood up.

"Are you proud of your brother, Regulus, dear?" She was a rather tall woman, her best and worst feature being her eyes. "See what happens if you keep feeling proud." She turned to the house-elf who began to clean up. "Leave the mess, Kreacher. Regulus can handle it by himself."

Regulus watched as his mother swiftly turned and walked away to retire to her room upstairs. Kreacher looked hesitant, unsure of what to do. The youngest Black slowly rose up, ignoring the ache all over his body and the stings of pain from the cuts all over his face and hands. "It's alright, Kreacher. I'll clean it up."

Kreacher stared confused, shocked at the idea of letting the youngest Master do such lowly work. However, Regulus knew the old elf would have no choice, but to leave at the direct order. He finally nodded and scurried off to his small room in the kitchen.

As Regulus cleaned, he blocked out all thoughts and emotions from his mind. The cuts were getting deeper as he picked up the shards, but Regulus had already retreated far into the corners of the recess of his mind to notice his bleeding hands. When Kreacher returned five minutes later, he was disconnected from the situation. "What is it?" he asked the elf mechanically, without turning away from his work. Kreacher had been nervously trying to get his attention.

The house-elf looked determined. "Kreacher may have to let the youngest Master clean, but I can still help him heal."

Regulus slowly returned from his subconsciousness and turned to find the elf place a silver tray down on the table. It contained a wash cloth, vials of Wound-cleaning potion and Multrup essence. He didn't know how to react. Kreacher cautiously reached out for Regulus and started wiping the blood. The youngest Black didn't pull away. He knew, like most wizards, pureblood or not, he should have been repulsed and flabbergasted at the idea of a lowly house-elf touching him.

"Thank you, Kreacher," he whispered, accepting the loyal elf's kindness.

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


	6. Dec, 1979

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of J.K. Rowling's creations**

**BETA credit: ****a great, big thank you to the wonderful Jaideum**

* * *

December, 1979

Life took an unexpected turn for Lily Potter, née Evans, when she fell in love with James Potter. If told five years earlier that she'd be married to the person she then considered an arrogant toerag, she'd have laughed herself insane. However, life rarely does go as planned, especially during the midst of a war, and with James, she not only found a life-long companion, but an unexpected group of rowdy, but loyal friends. So, it was a given that she would naturally be concerned when she noticed a familiar figure walking dejectedly out of the small church in the Godric's Hollow village square. Sirius Black was hardly a church-going man. _Something must be wrong_. With her good mood somewhat subdued, she followed him as he headed into the nearby pub. At that point she decided it would be best to tell James instead. It seemed like a matter best handled by one's best friend.

Discretely, she disapparated, reappearing behind the Potters' Cottage, which was invisible to the Muggles in the area. Sirius' bike was parked near their house. Now Lily was really worried, Sirius loved that thing. The prat wouldn't even tell her how he had managed to make it fly, much to her frustration. Whenever she guessed how he'd accomplished some of the features added to the Muggle invention, he always refused to confirm her theories. She really didn't feel like buying a motorcycle to find out for herself.

She walked through the back door into the kitchen to find James looking over Order reports. Order reports were never good news. With Voldemort's rise to power, there were constant news of friends and family dying. Lily touched her stomach. '_Hope we can make the world a better place for you, sweetheart.'_

"Hey, love," James said, noticing her. He rose up to meet her for a kiss. "Have fun at the library?" Right, that was the excuse she had used. James thought she had spent the last several hours lost in books instead of waiting in anticipation at St. Mungo's. It was an easy and believable excuse, given her numerous research projects.

"Mhm," she mumbled, falling into her husband's warm embrace. She'd love to just crawl into bed and snuggle right now. _I'll have to tell him later._ Instead, she pulled away. "I saw Padfoot."

"Yeah?" James raised his eyebrows in confusion as they both sat down at the kitchen table. She shared his sentiment; it was strange of Sirius to be here but not _here_. "What's he doing here?"

"I don't know," she told him. "He was at the church and then I saw him head to the pub… I think you should go talk to him, James." She gently placed a hand on his cheek. "He didn't seem right..."

James managed to smile at her in amusement, despite the concern for his best mate etched on to his face. He then poked her cheeks. "Who'd have thought that Lily Evans would not only fall madly in love with me, but end up caring so much about the miscreants known as the Marauders as well?"

"You did?" Lily said dryly. She didn't care to refute. It'd be a lie.

"Hey, I only knew you'd fall for my charms," her husband smirked. "I didn't care what you thought of them."

She rolled her eyes. "Right... go already," she prodded, though he was already halfway up to grab his jacket.

"I'll be right back, love." He gave her a quick kiss, and left to find his best mate.

Lily got up to make herself a cup of hot chocolate. James' fierce loyalty and affection for his friends were part of the key reasons she fell in love with him in the first place. So of course she ended up caring for his friends. Maybe she should invite all of the boys over for dinner and announce the good news. Her short walk in the village to register the news from St. Mungo's had taken an unexpected turn, so James' early 'Christmas present' would have to wait. She knew, though, that he'd appreciate receiving the news in the presence of his brothers; sharing a precious moment together in times of war. She chuckled to herself. James was such a liar, the Marauders had always been a package deal._ Sweetheart, _she smiled, placing a hand on her stomach,_ you'll have a loving father and a trio of surrogate uncles, who'll never let you feel alone._

* * *

James quickly apparated into the alley by the Godric's Hollow pub. He walked into a surprisingly empty place, finding Sirius sitting at the bar. He was drinking and making gaudy jokes with John the bartender, a squib whose surname still remained a mystery to the young Potter. James quietly slipped onto a seat next to his best friend, signalling John to pass him the usual.

"Prongs!" Sirius drunkenly laughed, pulling him into a hug. "Look at you. A married man living a fine life _-hic-_ Who would have thought?" He patted James on the chest -rather forcefully- as he continued to speak animatedly. "Hey, hey _-hic-_ what do you think would happen if I let loose a group of garden gnomes in here? Do you think garden gnomes get drunk? They probably do. I should test that out. Where can I get garden gnomes? Do you have any garden gnomes? I never did see any growing up. Ah, I need another drink." Sirius stumbled as he tried to get up, reaching over the counter to get John's attention. The bartender raised his eyebrows questioningly at James who shrugged in return. He pointed to a booth at the back, silently conveying to John to bring some Firewhiskey over. James guided his friend to the back and sat him down. Sirius had a high tolerance. James knew the laughing young man was nowhere as drunk as he seemed, but most likely would be by the end of the night. He tended to play more drunk than he actually was as an excuse to let loose and relieve stress. James grabbed the bottles from John, thanking him, and then placed a privacy charm around their booth.

"You know, the church sermon was rather interesting," Sirius continued to ramble. "I know many magical families adopted religion or religious traditions from the dominant Muggle cultures_ -hic-_ but the Blacks never did, you know. Before Hogwarts, I never celebrated Christmas."

James chuckled lightly, humouring him. "I remember. You were so surprised when I gave you a present. You never did get me anything in return."

Sirius smiled fondly, "Special editions chocolate frog cards." He paused for a second to take a drink before continuing. "They say a lot of religions; especially indigenous ones have a lot mystical -even magical- properties; like...like the Natives _-hic-_ in North America, or pagan festivals... Celtic traditions... and many of the rituals in Asia _-hic-_ especially in the Far East. I mean, that's why many older, Wizarding families still celebrate Yule, instead of adopting Christmas, since they believe magic's stronger that night. Not sure how true that is... -_hic-_ we don't really have big Yule celebrations here anymore, do we? Not for centuries anyway. That would be nice to celebrate around a big bonfire _-hic-_ a large magical dance! Especially during the summer solstice! That's another day, you know, when magic is supposedly in the air."

James wondered where this conversation was going. Still, he knew to be patient. Forcing Sirius to talk would be futile. The dog animagus would tell him on his own time, when his excited drunken rambling eventually slowed to that point.

"Did you know Helga Hufflepuff was a Christian?" Sirius grinned, pinching James' nose.

_No, he did not._ While James envied Sirius' ability to remain surprisingly coherent even when drunk, he was getting seriously (no pun intended) concerned. Despite his random philosophical moments, Sirius was not a spiritual man. _He's doing it again, _James realized, _talking around the subject, avoiding what's actually bothering him._

Sirius drowned his drink, and poured himself another glass. James still hadn't touched any. "Regulus had told me that. He was always fascinated by different cultures when we were younger." His friend's voice was quiet; the sudden stillness was a sharp contrast to his earlier behaviour.

_And there it was._ Sirius rarely ever spoke of his brother, and after he ran away from home, he cut all ties with his family, including Regulus. Though he did accept his Uncle Alphard's money, claiming it would piss off his mother. However, James knew it was primarily because Sirius didn't want to feel like the Potter's charity case. The last mention of his younger brother had been cusses of anger after finding out he had taken the mark. James had been surprised. The one conversation he had with the Slytherin, he hadn't seemed so bad. He had James pass along a birthday gift to Sirius, even though they were not on good terms. Sirius never did show him what the gift was, but after that day, he constantly saw him play with a strange garnet stone with silver flecks. It softened to thick goo from body heat and at times randomly turned into animals. It sounded like a silly present, but it was perfect for someone fidgety like Sirius who needed something to constantly fiddle with. James had often caught him moulding the animals into questionable poses during classes. He remembered Remus had really wanted to study how the charms on the object worked, muttering something about the properties of gallium. Sirius, however, had been very possessive of his little trinket.

"The last words I said to him… _I hope you learn your lesson when you end up dead_." Sirius' voice was hollow, silent tears rolled down his face. "He's dead, Prongs _-hic-_ He's been dead for months and I _just_ found out. My idiot brother really did get himself killed."

_No one is safe,_ James thought, frowning. _What are we even fighting about? Magic is magic. Why does it matter where it came from?_ He didn't know what to say. Whatever he had been expecting tonight, this was not it. Sirius quickly gulped down his drink, and then started to fill another, before deciding he'd rather drink straight from the bottle. James grabbed it from his hand. Perhaps, alcohol wasn't right for this conversation."How'd you hear?"

"_Narcissa_," Sirius spat out, gripping tightly onto his empty glass. "Ran into her in Diagon Alley. The bitch had the nerve to look at me and say _'You must be happy now that Uncle Orion has joined darling Regulus. I assume you're now waiting for Auntie to die.'_ I was so shocked _-hic-_ I asked her what the bloody hell she was talking about. She gazed at me _-hic-_ with such _repulsion_, Prongs! She told me Reggie died back in _September_ _–hic-_ and my father died_ -hic-_ last night from poor health. Let go of the bloody bottle, James, before I break your fucking nose." James let go of the bottle he was fighting to hold on to. _Merlin_, maybe Sirius was drunker than he'd originally assumed.

"I'm so sorry, mate," James whispered. Sure, Sirius may say he did not particularly care for his family, but to hear the news like that… At times like this, James was glad that his parents died peacefully of old age rather than becoming casualties of war. Still, it felt horrible knowing that they weren't able to attend his wedding.

James had always wanted a big family, or at least two children. He wanted his children to grow up with companions, and he was ecstatic to know that Lily felt the same. Growing up an only child, James had often wondered what it would be like to have siblings. Then he'd met Sirius, Remus and Peter, and that wish came true, and his childhood loneliness faded. However, Moony and Wormtail were also only children like him, so when it came to understanding Sirius' relationship with his brother, none of them quite knew what to say. There was Lily with her sister, but that was a horrid example to go by. The Evans sister went their separate ways with little regret. Sirius' relationship with Regulus appeared to have been far more complex.

"And the thing is, Prongs _-hic-_ I can't even blame her. I'm so _disgusted_ with myself. My little brother died and I didn't even _know_. Even if he was an idiot who brought it on himself…" he trailed off. "Stupid, stupid, _stupid_ boy. I told you, Reggie, _I told you_." He smashed the shot glass on the table, before hissing in pain as the alcohol seeped into his cut. James was glad he remembered to place a privacy ward around them. He gently grabbed his friend's hand and muttered "_Episkey_". The wound healed, though Sirius didn't seem to notice.

"Don't _judge_ me, Prongs, you better not judge me!" Sirius spoke with a cracked voice, eyes bloodshot, "because I'm about to break down and sob like flobberworm."

"Never, Padfoot," James said softly. He hated seeing Sirius so broken. He was supposed to be the source of fun and laughter.

Sirius pulled at his hair, his head on the table, as his body shook with his silent cries. James moved from across the table to sit next to him. He waited patiently, offering silent comfort as his friend released his emotions.

"He hated me_ -hic-_ he died hating me," Sirius mumbled, lifting his head. "And I hate myself, Prongs. I hate myself since a part of me honestly hates him _-hic-_ everything he's done. I _hate_ him."

_No, you don't, Padfoot. Stop lying to yourself._ "Come over and stay the night, Padfoot," James offered, standing up. He wished he could do something –anything, but James couldn't bring back the dead. No one could. No matter how omniscient, magical or powerful.

"You got Firewhiskey?"

"No," James smiled apologetically. After the last drunk Marauders incident, Lily refused to keep any alcohol in the house.

Sirius shook his head. "Then I'm not moving."

James sat back down and poured himself a drink with a resigned smile. There was nothing he could do except get drunk with his friend. The night would eventually drift to mindless conversation; happy things. No more talks of death and destruction. He knew Sirius well enough to know that once morning came, his friend would refuse to acknowledge tonight, like he did with anything related to his family; he'd put on a brave face full of laughter and charm while pretending he was invincible.

* * *

**Feedback are always appreciated. Thanks for reading~**


End file.
